What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
