the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
