its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
