Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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