I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
