I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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