a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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