hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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