I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize