The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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