I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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