There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
