well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
