i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
