Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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