He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
