Well apparently he's into motor boating.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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