Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
