I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm just crazy horny about you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
