Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
