come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize