I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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