he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
