apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
