i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
