In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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