I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize