I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
