Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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