Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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