Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
