I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
