bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
