Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
