We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
