You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
