I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
