Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
