Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
