Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have aggressive nipples.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
