I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
