I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
