I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
