it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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