Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
