this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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