Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
