he laminated a picture of his dick.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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