dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
