just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
