She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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