I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
