Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish you could order shots online.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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