someone threw a dead crab at me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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