Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
