check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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