are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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