just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
