she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
