I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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