I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
