You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Houston, we have a blender
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
