atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
