just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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