yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
