cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
