I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
