she was so not down for the gang bang
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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