My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
