i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
