I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
