Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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