There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
