do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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