smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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