guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im holly from the hills drunk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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