I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize